Part 1:

For years, I was itching for a past life regression hypnosis session. I was insatiably curious about possible past lives.

I was convinced they held the answer to a deep seated restlessness I could not shake.

From a young age, I’d stare at my body in the mirror and wonder, who am I?

How did I land in this body? What made me, me?

Intuitively, I believed I was not confined to this one body, this one lifetime. The concept of gilgulim, literally “cycle” but translated as reincarnation, was one I was not only familiar with, but one which somehow seemed very obvious to me.

I’d have the strangest dreams, dreams that felt more like distant memories.

I felt a vague sense of purpose while simultaneously feeling an existential despair – like I didn’t trust myself to pull through, and if that was the case, what was the point of this lifetime?

What meaning could it possibly have for me if I didn’t, couldn’t, know what my personal purpose was?

Unlike Jean-Paul Sartre, I don’t believe meaning is a man made creation. I believe meaning is there, waiting to be found.

As an observant Jew, I wholeheartedly believe in Divine purpose. (More on that in another post, hopefully.) But I struggled to define and understand my unique place in the world.

I didn’t trust myself to find my own meaning. What if I got it wrong? What if I spent a lifetime in pursuit of something I thought was right for me, but really was not?

Maybe periodic existential paralysis is a more accurate description.

When I finally booked an appointment with a hypnotist, I tried to contain my anticipation with the voice of reason.

Even if I was hypnotized successfully, what were the chances that what would come up would be “real”?

And maybe what I did end up experiencing were simply latent layers of my psyche using the chance to surface into my conscious awareness.

I don’t think it matters much.

What does matter is that I got to fully experience a deeper part of myself, sans filters.

The feelings were real.

The triggers were real.

And I’d like to think I gained a greater understanding of myself and what had been holding me back.

* Perhaps a part 2 (and maybe even a part 3) will follow this post, where I will tell the story of the actual experience and my takeaway.

Have any of you ever felt like you’ve been here before? What do you think of past life regressions? Would you be down to try it?