Every morning

It’s the same prayer

מודה אני

Modeh Ani

I give thanks

To You

For another day

~ Sometimes the words feel hollow on my tongue

But still –

I am sincere

When I thank Him for restoring my soul

Even if I haven’t yet figured out

why I’m here

But I know there is a reason

And I thank Him

For giving me another day to find it

Even though I’m tired

Of pushing against the current,

– the waves of spiritual paralysis.

I’m tired of reminding myself

That everything matters.

That a smile –

To light up someone’s heart –

Has cosmic significance.

And that as I put my right shoe on

Before my left

I cause a cosmic ripple

In worlds I cannot fathom

I say Modeh Ani

Feeling unworthy

Undeserving

Of this beautiful life I’ve been given

~ And sometimes this morning prayer

Of deeply felt gratitude

Dances across my lips,

Spilling off my tongue

In a burst of words

Written centuries ago.

מודה אני

And a surge of thanksgiving

Overflows

For the life I am blessed to wake up to

Each morning

A rich, beautiful life

Laden with opportunities

Big and small

To live

לפניך

Before You

(In joy,

In pain,

But always before You)

מלך חי וקיים

Living and eternal King

And my allegiance

Is joyous –

Firm.

Thankful

For another day to serve You

שהחזרת בי נשמתי

For restoring my soul

Within me

Thank You

For this soul

That animates my body

This soul

That drives me to reach higher

Giving me purpose

Giving me meaning

Reminding me that although I may stumble

Every day is a new opportunity

To get up

And begin anew

בחמלה

With compassion

I am secure in His compassion

Empowered

To get it right.

(If G-d,

Privy to my darkest thoughts

My unholiest moments

Infuses me with life

Yet again

With unwavering compassion

Perhaps

I ought to show myself compassion too.)

רבה אמונתיך

Abundant is Your faithfulness

Thank You for believing in me

Your faithfulness

Suffuses me with hope

And the belief

That no matter what

I can use the gift of a new day

To get up

And try again.

* * *

And so, yes

My morning prayer stays the same

Constant, steady words

But with a fresh rush of meaning

Simmering behind them

Each morning